We are conditioned from an early age and take on beliefs and values of our parents/care-givers.  Who learned their beliefs and values form their parents/care-givers.  Becoming a parent doesn’t require a degree, license, and some people are not emotionally qualified to be a parent.  It is ironic that you need a license to drive a car but not to have a child.  However, both can cause harm or even kill if not properly operated or cared for.

 

As we achieved our developmental milestones, we were provided continuous feedback from our parents/care-givers. If we had loving parents/care-givers they reinforced each accomplishment with praise and encouragement, while simultaneously setting appropriate boundaries that kept us safe.

 

If, however, our parents/care-givers were burdened by their own wounds, distress, or exhaustion, and were inconsistent in their nurturing feedback, we internalized their distortions.  In our innocence, we failed to recognize that the distorted image was not a result of our flaws, but was caused by “defects” in our parents/care-givers who served as our reflectors.  Our self-image positive or negative, develops through the mirror of our relationships. Therefore, when searching for the root cause of an issue we start looking at our childhoods.

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According to Dr. David Simon, if we were all born with five essential traits, we would be living a healthy balanced life.  The five traits are:

1.     Self-awareness

2.     Emotional availability

3.     A vitality-enhancing lifestyle

4.     Skillful conscious communication

5.     Balanced boundaries

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If we had parents or care-givers that were deficient in these core skills, we likely need some emotional healing work. Identifying the underlying limiting belief (that was taught and ingrained from an early age) we can learn to rewrite that belief to allow you to move forward in a more positive and productive way. 

 

Take a moment and reflect on your childhood.  Did you receive consistent or inconsistent nurturing feedback? Are there limited beliefs that you've accepted as your own, which actually belong to your parent/care-provider?